Recently, I was at my therapist, not the mind kind but the remove unwanted hair kind, where small talk was overshadowed by sharing a real-life moment of vulnerability and honesty. The moment we could both relate to a situation, the difference being, I’ve already been there! Cutting straight to it…how much do we sacrifice now to live a happy life later?
There is no doubt this decision mind boggles many young couples in which they probably lose many hours of sleep over. Do I buy a house, have kids and get that all out of the way or wait, live a little and be happy? There is no right or wrong answer but I will share my view based on my past experiences.
So, my happily married therapist, Andrea*, was quite stressed as she was operating heavy machinery on my neck line. I was tensing and beads of sweat forming on every trigger release. Argh, f**k, shit, why me and is it over yet! Yes, lasers hurt. But my attention shifted to her and so I asked “how is life and what are you thinking about?”, knowing she already looked stressed and tired.
She replies, “I’m so stressed and feeling a little trapped. We want to save for a new house so we can escape the parent living situation and then have kids. We are young so we want to do it now so we can enjoy life later. But also, my friend is getting married in London and we would love to go but can’t afford it if we want to buy our house. So, we really don’t know what to do and it’s stressing us out. We are getting so much advice and it’s overwhelming me.” Wow! It took me a while to absorb that but I totally understand her situation. In a round-about way, I’ve experience this before. These are big life decisions that require multi-dimensional solutions.
What can I say to her without overwhelming her even more? She did, after all, ask for my advice. So, I need to make this one stick as anything else is just another stress point for her. Quickly thinking, my angle will be to only focus on the decision process. This will be a start and possibly ease some of her stress. Anything more will just be an overload!
“Go with your gut” I said, “and if there is outside chatter getting in the way, you have to kind of block it. They are not you and not living your life”. “As much as they probably care, their advice can sometimes be blinded by their own agenda that doesn’t necessarily serve you”. That’s ok though, they can mean well, but remember, everyone has an opinion. “So, go with what feels right and just do it. I’ve been in that situation before. Over time, it has taught me the art of listening to my instincts and that emanates into quicker decision making without judgment. It frees you.” So that’s my advice. Listen to yourself more or perhaps do listen to others and live and learn! Both are acceptable options.
Immediately she felt a sigh of relief and my treatment was still as painful!! Again, lasers hurt! I’m sure Dr Evil was building one to destroy the ozone layer with the “LASER” before Austin Powers saved the day or perhaps us!
Anyway, thank you she said and I was pleased that she acknowledged what I had to say. But ultimately, my aim is to help her become more aware where she can implement that knowledge to her greater self and live for now with the ability to also plan for later.
So in a nutshell, listen to your gut and do what feels right. Try to project that decision into the future and see what it feels like. That will be your answer. The rest of your friends, family and colleagues will support you and if not, who cares. They’re not really going to hate you for it…it’s your life, your choice.
I will say that whatever decision is made, it will be the right one. Trust your feelings and your heart and the rest will truly take care of itself. *Andrea – not her real name.