It’s interesting how quickly a conversation about awesome travel stories can morph into personal life dilemmas. I mean, we’ve only had two conversations and here we are talking about a deep seeded life issue.
You see, Janet*, who works for the co-op work-space I happened to be at that day, comes across as an energetic, bubbly and smart young woman. Hence, my assumption was that she has her shit sorted and is enjoying the work she does. However, the reality was far different.
“I’m stuck!”, Janet said with angst in her voice.
“What do you mean?” was my response.
She continued, “Since being back from my overseas working holiday, I’m freaking out about how my friends here have moved on. They seem to have their life all figured out.”
This was not the topic I had in mind when chatting to Janet. However, she was trusting enough to open up to me about her personal situation.
What do I say to her? How can I ease her anxiety about her situation?
I’ve witnessed this enough throughout my friend’s experiences including my own, where we question ourselves about whether we do have our work lives all figured out. I constantly hear the phrase “I’m a little lost, I’m not sure what I want to do”. This statement alone causes us stress but it doesn’t have to be this way. So, let’s take a deep breath and think this through!
Change Your Thinking
Firstly, I believe we need to break this thought process. That is, let’s stop comparing our career aspirations to others. Whether or not your friends have their career figured out is irrelevant to you. We are all different with our own goals and path in life.
Secondly, do you really need to have your work life/career all figured out? I say NO! If this scares you, unfortunately, you are not alone and hopefully reading on will inspire you to think and be different.
The Common Journey
Remember when grownups ask you, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” As a young terror, I would answer magician, astronaut or doctor (most likely influenced from my ethnic background!). Fast forward 15 years…I wasn’t on the moon operating on someone’s heart with a magic wand! In fact, I was working in IT writing software. By and large, this was the part of my life I did have figured out. Fast forward a few more years and suddenly it wasn’t.
Don’t get me wrong, I somewhat still enjoy IT but I would say that my passion for it has diminished. Hence, it was the tell-tale sign for me to move on and try something new. Consequently, I would now be entering uncharted territory…what was I going to do! As a result, I felt an overwhelming fear of the unknown. In addition, I fell into the trap of comparing my career choice to others. I felt they were successful because they were making lots of money and setting up their future. Admittedly, it made me anxious and somewhat resentful. Why can’t I be like that? They have it figured out. What’s wrong with me?
There is a Turning Point
You see, there will be stages in your life where things won’t be figured out, whether it be early on like Janet or in the later years like me. Most of us will encounter this at some point in our lives. It doesn’t matter because the process is the same. That is, stop comparing and trust your ability to change and adapt. You see, as scary as change is, we do crave it. This flies in the face of having things figured out where stability and a false sense of ‘knowing’ your future momentarily calms your mind.
Anyway, back to what’s wrong with me? Nothing. In fact, nothing is wrong with us. So, I kept it simple with my message to Janet. In essence, you don’t need to have everything figured out right this very minute. The fact I am still working through this process after 2 years doesn’t matter. Accept it may take you some time and allow yourself to enjoy the journey of discovering what you want to do. Acknowledge this and let’s move forward. It’s liberating.
Ask Yourself ‘Why’
Now, let’s tackle this uncertainty from the inside out in a methodical way. Choose something you would like to do whether it be short or long term. Now, ask yourself the following question…why do you want to do what you have chosen to do? Forget the ‘how’ you go about doing it. Your initial answer will be from your head, but you’ll need to dig deeper. Keep repeating this question until the answer comes from your heart. This is where you will uncover something truly amazing about yourself.
Answering the ‘why’, will trigger an internal response that will resonate with you at a deep level. Subsequently, boundaries will dissipate as you feel there are no limits to pursuing the ‘how’. A sense of freedom will encumber you. This is because you will be operating in a higher realm of your true self. It’s the WHY that will drive you. Everything else will sort itself out. You can repeat this exercise on anything you want to do.
Moving Forward
Try different ideas, explore new paths and find something that you can immerse yourself in. Someone told me that passion can be learnt, where you can grow to love an interest you pursue. The main thing is being open to whatever may come. You will be truly surprised what you discover. You’ll feel alive. Shit scared but alive. Try something new, don’t like it, move on. But keep referring to the ‘why’.
Read, research, listen to others stories. Stay in your current job if you really have to and learn to find the fun in it. Use that time to then find what you want to do, remembering to refer to the ‘why’. It will hold you in good stead.
It’s not about finding your dream job as the future is not set in stone. Life changes constantly, you’ll change constantly. Therefore, you really don’t need to have everything figured out. Allow yourself to be flexible in life and figure it out as you go. It’s OK for it’s how you will truly transform.
So, if I’m asked again (when I was ten) what do you want to be when you grow up? Everything and anything I choose to be.
* of course it’s not her real name